Cleaning up Father Issues Changes Your Relationships with Men
Most little girls look up to their fathers, thinking our dad is big and strong — and that we want a man like him when we grow up. Even if we don’t think we want a man like him, we usually end up with one — one that fits the stereotype of unavailable, controlling, self-righteous, and/or bullying. WHY? Because when we are little girls, our dad’s are mysterious to us. We usually don’t spend as much time with our fathers as we want to, don’t get to know our dad’s at a “real” level. We sometimes don’t think they are human because they don’t share their fears or hurts with us. When we grow up, we think that’s just how men are. It seems normal. So we become accepting of “unavailable, closed, self-righteous” behavior. We don’t expect our man to act normal, open, healthy, warm, sharing. But alternate picking we should. What Our Father’s Did *Never let us know them, because they hid their emotions. *Faked strength, leading us to believe that men are stronger than women. *Taught us to have low expectations of men. *Taught us that being close to a man means being controlled by him. *Taught us that men are insensitive and don’t hurt easily, when they are really just afraid of their emotions. *Set us up to look for that strong man we thought our father was. *Didn’t know how to relate to us once we became women. *Tried to overprotect us which made us dependent on them and men in general. What You Need to Do: 1) Find the Crack in His Armor: Look at your dad realistically. Is he perfect? Make a list of his flaws, both as a human being and in raising you.